Spanish Soap Operas
by Amazonian21
Summary: Voy a comer. Estoy linda. Donde esta el bano? Spanish soap operas aren't for everyone. COMPLETE.


Okay, I swore I'd never do anything like this once upon a time, but circumstances presented themselves and soon I had no choice. So don't look at me like that, I couldn't help it. Anyway, it's total randomness, but there's some method to this madness. Let me know what you think. You have to review because doesn't use counters so I don't know how many people are actually reading it otherwise. And, if you don't, I'll only strike again! Stop me before I hurt someone!

**Boogity****.******

Spanish Soap Operas

"Christin," he said from behind me, appearing suddenly in my bathroom while I brushed my teeth. It caused me to jump, just as he intended, and I whirled on him angrily.

"Whathehelldoyouthinkyou'redoing Jareth?!" I hissed in a frantic half whisper. "You want me to stab myself with my toothbrush, is that it?"

"Well," he said smoothly, watching me as I frantically tried to wipe the foam from around my mouth, "That would be pretty funny."

"Yeah," I said moodily, "a frickin' laugh a minute. What are you doing here? And how did you find me in my parent's house?" I looked to make sure that their door was still shut and the lights still off.

"You practically dared me to show up with your little comments on the board," he replied tauntingly, looking over my shoulder to see what I was looking at. "You said I needed to take up visitations again, so here I am. I saw your journal entry about driving home for a while and knew you'd be here." He leant casually against the wall and then looked down into the sink.

"You are the messiest tooth brusher I have ever seen," he continued, crinkling his nose in distaste. "You just stand there and drool into the sink, and let it all pool there in a messy glob. Haven't you discovered the wonders of running water?" he asked cattily.

"Jareth, I live in a desert. That means that I've been brainwashed with the merits of saving water for as long as teachers could force me to sit still. I don't flush trash down toilets, I don't water the grass in the afternoon, and I don't leave the faucet on while brushing my teeth," I finished triumphantly. "Is that what you came for? Critiquing my toilette?"

"No," he said seductively, "I've come to seduce and ravage you, in order to prove that the visitation isn't dead."

"Hmmm… that could be fun," I said thoughtfully, giving him my best 'dirty old lady' once over, "but I dunno, I'm not all that sexual, really." When he leered at me disbelievingly I corrected, "Well, not in real life anyway. I like to pretend." I put my finger to my chin and thought.

"I have it!" I exclaimed, grabbing a towel to wipe off the excess drool, "If you insist on staying here and pestering me, you can participate in my favorite evening pastime."

"And what would that be, pray tell?" he asked dubiously, allowing me to drag him towards the living room.

"Spanish soap opera dubbing!" I exclaimed happily, and dragged him down to sit on the couch next to me. I propped my legs across his lap so he couldn't move and grabbed the remote.

"I think that you are possibly the most ridiculous person I've met," Jareth commented dryly.

"I know that's not the case," I said lightly, flipping through the channels until I found what I was looking for. "I know some of your listians. Their randomness meets mine. I can't claim supremacy there," I said, falsely sad.

"Hmmm," he conceded, "no, maybe not."

"Besides," I goaded, settling back into the seat cushions and putting the Spanish channel on mute, "I'm not the one with the stuffed animal fetish, and I'm not the one running around with eye makeup till Tuesday."

"You leave Teddy out of this!" He exclaimed angrily, attempting to get up. "You weren't around for that, you don't understand our love!"

I just giggled maniacally and shook my head. 'Good thing I didn't mention Yoda,' I thought to myself. 'That would have been enough drama to last the evening.'

Out loud I said, "Okay, sorry to pester you Jareth. If you're going to be so high strung this evening will get old real fast."

Jareth sighed dramatically and relaxed back into the couch. "Fine," he said, as if he'd been told he had to sign his own extermination order, "Tell me what we're doing on the couch."

"I told you," I said, bouncing happily, "Spanish soap opera dubbing!"

"That doesn't clear anything up for me," he said, smiling in amusement.

"I find us the silliest Spanish soap on TV. Then we mute it, assign characters, and make up a story line. It's great!"

"Okay," he said, laughing, "I'll give it a try. It has to be better than playing 'count the speckles on the chickens' or 'teach the goblins to sing barbershop'."

"Wow," I said, impressed, "you must get incredibly bored. But what a way to combat it. Barbershop's tough."

"Yes, it is, but some of the goblins are magnificent baritones," he admitted grudgingly.

"Have you tried cross stitch?" I asked, looking to one of the pillows my mom had made, sitting on the chair.

"Who do you think made all the tapestries in the halls? I got some kits from craft stores and went at it."

"What about those hemp bracelets?" I asked conversationally. "Did you try any of those?"

He laughed and flicked a wrist. In his hand appeared a box full of bracelets, necklaces, belly chains, key chains, and even a leash and collar set for a small pet.

"Cool," I said, mainly to be nice. Mentally I was thinking, 'we need to find this boy a hobby. This is more serious than I thought!'

"Can I, um…" I began, but then paused awkwardly.

"Would you like a necklace?" he asked graciously.

"Yes," I admitted, but then narrowed my eyes at smiled at him. "Would I have to 'put out' for it, like I told you that you should earlier?"

He laughed again and picked out a pretty blue one. He held it out to me and said, "Only if you want to."

He leered a little as I took it and looked at it closely.

"Ummm, Jareth? You're not still into that whole 'drugging females to take them to fantasy worlds where they have less inhibitions', are you? No reason, just wondering."

"If you're trying to go for casual, you failed miserably," he said, smirking. "And to answer your subtle question, it's a necklace, nothing more."

I rolled my eyes and unclasped the ends, putting them back together around my neck. "I was wondering when we'd start quoting movie lines," I muttered.

"The game," he reminded me, pointing to the TV.

"Right," I said, and concentrated on the screen.

After a few moments of checking out the scene I said, "Okay, you get the guy, I'll get the two girls. It looks like a pretty emotional scene, so this should be fun."

"You start," he commanded, and sat back to watch.

"Okay," I said, and got excited as I watched two girls prepare to fight over the man standing in front of them. One of them was obviously the innocent girl, and one the vixen. Good, nice dynamics to work with.

When the vixen was shown in her close up I yelled for her, "You two bit whore! How dare you steal my man! After all I did for you- scaling the walls of that sadistic nunnery to rescue you from the Priestesses of the Order of the Cocoa Bean!"

It flashed to the innocent but wronged girl, and I yelled, "I would do it all again, after the way you stabbed me in the back! You rescued me only to push me off a cliff in a locked car! I would have died on the cliff's edge if it weren't for those friendly mountain squirrels who fed me nectar and acorns!"

Jareth looked at me approvingly. "You've done this before," he said, laughing.

"Shush, you're up Miguel," I directed, pointing to the man's face when it appeared on the screen.

"Ladies, your bickering is pointless, because I am impotent! These insanely flashy and tight white jeans, which I have no business wearing after Labor Day, have smothered the very thing you're fighting over!" I stifled a guffaw as he continued, "Now, why don't we all run over to the Jamba Juice and settle this in a more civilized fashion? You can thumb wrestle over sweet, sweet smoothies."

"No, she spilled on my favorite sweater," the vixen screeched, and lunged at the innocent girl.

"It was my sweater, you stole it from my closet the night you gave birth to monkey twins!" the innocent retaliated, running to hide behind Miguel.

The vixen pulled a revolver and pointed it at the two of them, yelling, "That's it, the final straw! You insulted the monkeys, and now you shall pay!"

Jareth chimed in for Miguel with, "No, think this through! Blood doesn't come out of carpets, not to mention these white pants."

"And these shoes!" yelled the innocent. "They may look like tacky Walmart knock offs to you, but they have mothers, too. Think of the shoe parents who will get a phone call later on with the terrible news that their little ones are bloody and ruined!"

The vixen had an insane look in her eyes as she shook the gun in their direction and hissed, "I see your point. Foot wear is innocent, and doesn't deserve such a cruel fate. You, pool boy, come closer away from that nunnish tartlet."

"Okay, I'm coming," Jareth supplied, getting into his role enough to supply a thick accent, "And I'm holding my hands low like this to keep my balance, not to ward you off from doing something drastic. I never told you this, but I have an extremely bad earwig, and it's ruined my equilibrium. I could fall over at any minute!"

"Good one," I said approvingly. "Parasites are a nice touch."

I had the innocent whimper, "I made out with you while you hade a bug in your ear? Eww! I thought you seemed a little off that night."

"Shut it, baby," Miguel said, gesturing to her to keep back, "Your high volume whining is setting them off. I can feel them stirring."

When he got close enough the vixen grabbed him roughly by the arm and pulled him in front of her, bringing the gun up to his temples. "Do you want me to shoot the bugs out?" she asked bitterly.

Jareth chortled as the innocent said, "No- that would be so messy! Please! Couldn't we try some sort of dewormer?"

Miguel gestured for her to remain calm and said to the vixen, "Please, just tell the noisy one to get out of here, and go get me some tweezers and a flashlight. We might be able to pick them out."

"Okay, get out!" the vixen said, jerking her head towards the door. "And pick me up a bottle of scotch while you're out!"

The innocent left in a hurry and the vixen turned Miguel around so that he was facing her. She still held the gun to his head while I made her say, "Now, whatever shall I do with you?"

Jareth looked at me and cocked an eyebrow. "Why, we should make passionate love under the full moon!"

I rolled my eyes and the vixen said, "Maybe. Check my breath. I haven't brushed these teeth in three days."

To my delight she pulled Miguel in for a fierce kiss and he pulled away hastily.

"Yes," he said disgustedly, "It shows. You need to be introduced to some Mentos and Listerine, stat."

I laughed and turned to Jareth as the program paused for commercial. "See," I said triumphantly, "its pretty fun."

"I could get used to it," he admitted slowly. "I have a television in the castle… this could help me to while away the long afternoons."

"Oh dear," I said, slapping my forehead, "I've created a junkie."

"I'm not a junkie," he said stiffly, "I can stop any time I want to."

"Mmmm-hmmm," I said skeptically. "Haven't heard that one before."

Just then I heard some stirring from my parents' bedroom.

"Alright, Jareth," I said, standing up hurriedly and pulling him up after me, "My parents are stirring so I have to kick you out. If I were in my own place you could stay and watch Conan with me, but as it is…"

"I'll leave," he finished, and planted a chaste kiss on my forehead. "Thanks for the good time," he said cordially, and vanished.

"Right," I said, sighing as I saw the glitter. Eh, I'd blame it on the cats or something. I fingered my necklace and went to get out the notebook so I could write this visitation. Might as well leave something behind for posterity.

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Dedicated to E.S.T.E.E.M. and all the lovely people on the UGL. You rock my little world.


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